Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Safeword is live and waiting for your emails!

Why hello there!

I have wanted to do a blog and a podcast for a while. OK, so I had a blog, but I didn't keep up with it and it was just personal ranting and musings. So first up....the blog!

So what is this? This is a column devoted to sex and relationships. Not mine, you nosy hookers--yours! Yes, yours, my hopefully new found fans.

This will be (for now) a write in advice column. Not sure about how to discuss a bondage fantasy? Write in! Confused about the massive amount of lube out there on the market? Ask away! Have a painful red sore on your penis? Go see a doctor! Then write me once it's gone away. Just kidding about the last one. Please don't write or send pictures about a weird sore--just go see a medical professional ASAP.

So what makes me qualified to answer questions about all sorts of sordid sexcapades? Absolutely nothing. No really. Ok, I am lying already. For several years in high school and then for a short time in college, I was a safer-sex peer education volunteer. After that, I worked in a fairly hardcore adult toy store peddling electric catheters to pay for my rather useless undergraduate degree. I learned WAY more than I cared to know about just about everything related to kinky sex practices. I also minored in Womyn's Studies to further piss of my conservative family, which fortunately touched on quite a few issues of sexual identity and gender. I am also excellent at using google and wikipedia. (insert laugh track here). Really, I am sex positive, queer (which means you heteros all run to me with your problems anyways), * and a feminist. Yes, men can be feminists too.

*Being gay just makes you a good dancer and a fan of bad Lifetime made-for-T.V. movies. I have no idea why all of you think we are resources for sex and dating advice. Most gay men are hardly the pillar of maturity or stability when it comes to romantic relationships.

So if you want a fresh set of ears and some perspective on your problems, e-mail me. And after all, this ambitious project is free. Now for some legal mumbo jumbo:

-You must be 18 or older to play (or above the age of consent in your local.)
-By emailing me, you give your consent to have any portion or full email or other correspondence posted on the blog. You may do remain anonymous if you choose by giving a fake name. Email address will not be published or shared.
-You understand that this is not professional therapy and that I offer merely suggestions. While I will do my best, safeword is not responsible for any consequences that may occur from following any advice, suggestions or ideas given by the author or blog.

-You do not work for any legal agency, law firm, branch of any government, or stand in the express line of the grocery store with 53 items.

-You will not cut, copy, paste, plagiarize, rip-off, repost or do anything else skeezy with any part or parts of this column without the express, written consent of safeword. This includes but is not limited to: email interactions, posts, writing, links, or quoted information.

Ok, so if you're ready to acknowledge that I am completely unqualified to help you and that you're dumb to ask for my input, then send me your question or issues. Despite my self-deprecating humor, I will give you a serious and thoughtful response if I choose to include your submission. (skip obvious pun.) I will most likely tease you, but that's how I show I care.

The address is:
Please include Age or age range.."ie mid 20's, late 40's"/(expressed gender)/sexual orientation/name you'd like to be called in the article. I will use whatever you write so if you want your real name, send it in; if you want to be called "refrigerator" to protect your identity sign your letter "refrigerator."

One final note: if you're are transgendered, gender neutral or gender queer, please write your preferred pronouns especially if you wish for them to remain gender neutral. By default for gender neutral requests, I will use Ze/Mer/Zer/Zemself but random luck of me being most familiar with those terms. But short of saying "I use widdoweasheajanhekinloben in lieu of 'him'," I will honor your request.

Until then, play hard and remember the safe word.
--DJ McBastard aka Deej


  1. Dear Deej,

    Why are you so awesome?


  2. Haha, I'm awesome cause I'm bored? And because I'd rather be nosy about other people's sex lives than discuss my own. :D